I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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