dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
