I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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