the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
