Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
