He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
