It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
