i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
"it" just moved
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this boner is exhausting
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
