then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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