I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
