On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
