I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Screwed.edu
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
