yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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