We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
