I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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