Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
