i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
