I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
