I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
