oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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