He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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