She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
why do cheetos always look like penises
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
