I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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