Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
