I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
