Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
