look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
