I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wear drunk well.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
