i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
