i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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