Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Are these your boobs on my camera?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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