it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
