His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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