I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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