If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I met the friendliest cop last night
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
