If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
