your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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