he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
