have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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