Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
