Since when is my name a synonym for head?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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