i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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