I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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