ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
