i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
