who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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