Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Someone signed my nipple.
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