You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
