U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
