Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
