Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
