I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
